Squirrels have been a staple creature type ofMagic: The Gatheringever since a particularly deranged hermit created an army of furry rodents. With the release ofBloomburrow, Magic now has an entire preconstructed Commander deck focused entirely on cute and cuddly nut foragers.
Magic players have so much to look forward to in the Squirreled Away Commander deck, including a sword that empowers rodents and a pair of new commanders that will elevate Squirreldom to heights even the maddest hermit couldn’t imagine. Here are the top ten cards in Bloomburrow’s Squirreled Away Commander deck.
10Gourmand’s Talent
One person’s trash is another’s smorgasbord.
Admittedly, Gourmand’s Talent is about Raccoons and not Squirrels, but don’t let the inclusion of trash pandas throw you off.Squirreled Away is just as much about Food tokens as it is about Squirrel tokens, and what Gourmand’s Talent shows is that any artifact can be a Food token if you try hard enough.
Jokes about dumpster diving ringtails aside, Gourmand’s Talent isan excellent addition to any artifact-heavy deckthat just wants to have a whole bunch of 3/3 Raccoons running around. There’s an entire Raccoon deck in Bloomburrow just waiting to be broken with the help of Gourmand’s Talent.
9Moonstone Eulogist
Technically a bat, but don’t hold it against them.
They say Bats are kind of like flying Squirrels, but flying squirrels exist, so maybe not. Maybe they should say that Bats make good pairings with both Raccoons and Squirrels.Whenever an artifact is sacrificed(such as with Clues, Food, Maps, and Blood tokens),Moonstone Eulogist gets biggerand yougain one life.
Moonstone Eulogist isan excellent addition to a deck full of artifact tokenslike Squirreled Away. It can even find its way into mono-black decks as every dead opposing creature causes it to produce a Blood Token all on its own. That’s the sort of self-sufficiency one would expect from Squirrels rather than a bat.
8Honored Dreyleader
Yet another bur is being used as a mace.
There are plenty of Magic cards thatget larger as more of its kind arrives, and there are plenty of Magic cards thatenter the battlefield larger the more kindred creaturesthere are. Honored Dreyleader does both.
Better yet, Honored Dreyleader isn’t just concerned with the number of Squirrels in play. It’s as largeas the number of Squirrels and Food tokensand becomes larger with each new Squirrel or Food token. Expect this Squirrel Warrior to be a menace whenever it hits the table.
7Insatiable Frugivore
Any animal that eats a strawberry is a monster.
Ever seena rabbit eating a strawberry? It’s messy. So is Insatiable Frugivore, a rat that loves to turn garbage into Food tokens. In fact,the more cards you have in your graveyard, the more FoodInsatiable Frugivore can produce.
And once you’ve got a bajillion Food tokens, sacrifice them to Insatiable Frugivore togive your army the same terrifying face as a rabbit eating a strawberry. In Magic terms, they gain the menace keyword and get additional power equal to the amount of Food tokens sacrificed.
6Sword of the Squeak
Power in numbers.
As one might expect, there area lot of Mice, Rats, and Squirrels in Bloomburrow(although only a single Hamster, and it’s confusingly called a gerbil). Those creature types often arrive with either a single point of power or toughness,making Sword of the Squeak quite powerful.
Add to that afree equipwith every new Mouse, Rat, Squirrel, or Hamster that enters the battlefield, and you’ve got a sword that’s way better thana similar rhyming piece of equipment.
5Swarmyard Massacre
Death to the uncreepy.
For whatever reason, Bloomburrow has lumped in Squirrels with Rats, Insects, and Spiders, even though they’re easily the least creepy critters on the list. But I’m glad they did since Swarmyard Massacre isthe best black board sweeper we’ve seen in years.
On its own, Swarmyard Massacre is strictly worse than Crippling Fear, but as soon as you have a Squirrel or two on the board, Swarmyard Massacre gets pretty scary. Havingthree, four, or five Squirrels will often turn Swarmyard Massacre into a one-sided board wipe, leaving the way clear for your Squirrel army to lay waste.
4Hazel’s Brewmaster
Be sure to finish your supper.
Food tokens are already fine on their own, but what ifFood tokens could be made to do almost anything? That’s what Hazel’s Brewmaster can do. Any activated ability from a creature card exiled by Hazel’s Brewmaster is transferred to every Food Token you control, meaning you can have your Foods become Kiki-Jikis, Kozileks, or even multiple Planar Bridges.
The only downside to Hazel’s cooking squad is that they’relimited to the ingredients everyone brings to the table. But hey, the best gumbo is the one you make with what you have.
3Scurry of Squirrels
That’s what a group of squirrels is called.
This creature is bonkers. Whoever it attacks only has to deal with one squirrel, while every other opponent has to deal with two. And for every one that deals damage to a player, you put a +1/+1 counter on a creature you control. At worst, you get an explosive turn and one creature gets a bunch of tokens. At best, Scurry of Squirrels isan escalating mortal threat to every opponent at the table.
Scurry of Squirrels is alsoan easy way to activate Beastmaster Ascensionorpump up Sword of the Squeak and Honored Dreyleader.
2Hazel of the Rootbloom
Rutabagas for all!
The box topper for Squirreled Away is unsurprisingly a very potent card. Hazel canmake a lot of Squirreltokens extremely quickly, and once you’ve got those Squirrel tokens on the board, you canpay two life to tap them and empower a high-mana bombshell.
Hazel’s only weakness is that two life for an influx of mana is a high price to pay if you plan to be using it on a frequent basis. Hazel is best used topower a game-ending Drain Life. Otherwise, she’sbetter kept out of harm’s way to continue producing Squirrelsby the boatload.
1The Odd Acorn Gang
We’re not sure where they got those acorns, and at this point, we’re too afraid to ask.
Hazel can make a Squirrel army, but the Odd Acorn Gang can make a Squirrel armywin. First, itgives you one-third more power to your token army.Say you’ve got 10 Squirrel tokens. With The Odd Acorn Gang, five of them can tap to give the other five +2/+2 for a total of 15 power. Then, if any of those squirrels manage to break through,you draw a card.
Combine that with an efficient 5/5 body and a litany of keywords, and you’ve gotperhaps the best Squirrel card ever printed.
