We’re getting a newCrazy Taxi! That’s cool, right? Crazy Taxi is one of my favorite Dreamcast games. I’d say it’s one of my favorite games in general, but half the versions of Crazy Taxi don’t have The Offspring or product placement for long-dead businesses like Tower Records. Honestly, if you’re too young to remember what the year 2000 felt like, just play the Dreamcast version of Crazy Taxi for 15 minutes and you’re pretty much caught up.God, I miss those years.Absolutely terrible for me as a child, pretty decent for me as a fan of video games.
Here’s the rub: the new Crazy Taxi is anopen world massively multiplayer online game. Which is odd, because Crazy Taxi started as a single player arcade game. It was designed to be an arcade experience - that is, short and sweet. The game works so well because you’re constantly trying to push the boundaries on how long you’ll last. Get a passenger, drop them off, rush to the next one, hope you’ve got enough time.This, even more than the driving, made the game feel fast. It wasn’t that you were driving at top speed, it was that you were dodging obstacles at top speed while trying to pull off near-misses with other cars to boost your score.
I get why some people are a little worried about an MMO Crazy Taxi. Will it slow down the game? Does having multiple players in the world at once take away from the slapstick wackiness? Isn’t an MMO Crazy Taxi justGTA Online, which already exists and is very successful? The answers are, ‘I hope not’, ‘I’m praying otherwise’, and ‘Yes’. However, it’s a little too early to write off the Crazy Taxi MMO. In fact, here are a few ways thatSegacould make it great.
Don’t Make It A Live-Service Game
Look, I’m very stupid, but I’m not oblivious. There is a 99.99 percent chance that the Crazy Taxi MMO isgoing to be a live-service gamewith eight different types of in-game currency that can be bought with real life currency. There will probably be special edition skins that cost more than most indie games. I get it. I know how this world works.
But, please. Don’t do that thing I just said. Don’t make this a live-service game. You think you want it to be a live-service game, but you do not. It killedSuicide Squad. Evensuccessfullive-service games have a hard time. IfHalo: Infinitecouldn’t make it stick, I’m not completely confident that Crazy Taxi will be better.
I get it, folks. I know the fiance guys are telling you this is the money maker. I know you probably made this choice long ago and nothing I can do will stop it from slouching towards Bethlehem to be born. And I know you believe combining the beloved classic arcade game Crazy Taxi with the business model ofDestiny 2is a good idea. As a massive fan of Crazy Taxi, let me say: I dunno about that one!
Include The Offspring
The OffspringareCrazy Taxi. It was bad enough when they took out the weirdo locations in Crazy Taxi. But when they switched up the music? Terrible. Not the same game. I don’t know why Garden Grove, California’s hometown band is so vital to it. That’s not my problem. But if I don’t hear, “YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!” at the start of every session, I’m out. This is your fault, Sega. You put them in there. You found the perfect combination of a video game and Bryan Holland. If there’s no Offspring, it’s not crazy. It’s just Taxi. Which, while a charming sitcom starring a young Danny DeVito, is not as crazy as it could be.
Seriously, Don’t Make It A Live-Service Game
I don’t like harping on this, but I really want the new Crazy Taxi to do well. And maybe this is me, but one way you could help it succeed is by not making it a live-service game. I’m just looking at the evidence I’ve been provided. So what, right? Crazy Taxi is a pretty famous IP in games! Even if people haven’t played it, most have heard of it at one point or another.
But you know what else are famous IPs?DCandMarvel. In fact, I think we’d all agree that those are probably some of the most famous IPs on planet Earth. Do you know what both of them struggled with? Let me jump to the end because you do already: live-service games. Harley Quinn and the Incredible Hulk couldn’t make it work, so forgive me if I have a little less confidence in Gena. Some readers might be wondering, ‘Wait, who’s Gena?, and to that I say, “Exactly.”
Make Cities Real But Not Realistic
Crazy Taxi levels should sort of be like a much, much larger version of Mario Kart Tour’s tracks based on real cities. The original California-inspired level in Crazy Taxi is great because it makes you feel like you’re driving in San Francisco without needing to feel like youknowSan Francisco. It’s all the fun without realism getting in the way. While an MMO is massive by its very definition, the game would benefit from abstracting real cities and locations into something more playable and fun. Unlike most big, open world driving games, we don’t need these cities to make sense. Just let them be giant, goofy playrooms. And let’s get some more variety in there!
So, Regarding The Live-Service Thing
I know, I know, I know. We haven’t even been told whether it’s going to be a live service or not. But the moment they say it is, it’s going to break my heart. That doesn’t mean you’re able to’t make it fun! And by ‘live-service’, I mean the type of game that nickel and dimes players with a paid Season Pass that trickles off into nothing after the game doesn’t sell 50 million copies in its first week.
On the other hand, if by ‘live-service’, you just mean an online game that you update regularly for the sake of the fans? Great! Fine. I’d love that. I’m hoping for that. If your idea of a live-service game isNo Man’s Skyor evenRocket League, I’m totally good. Butyou’re thin ice buddy!
Keep The Focus On Speed
One of my big worries with a Crazy Taxi MMO is the potential of side quests and assignments distracting from the core experience. Which isn’t the end of the world! But, as I’ve said, I love Crazy Taxi’s frantic pace. You barely have time to think - you’re too busy trying to decide if you’ve got enough gas in the tank left to get a green rider all the way across town or if you should just get some quick and easy red ones. If I have to stop and have conversations every few minutes, it’s going to just feel like a knock-off of every other open world game. I’m fine with getting tasks - I’m sure we’re going to get a Crazy Delivery-type section like in Infinite Wealth - but I really hope it doesn’t bring the game to a metaphorical (and literal) screeching halt.
If It’s A Live-Service Game, I’ll Never Forgive You Or Anyone You Know
This probably won’t change your mind, but it’s worth repeating. And who knows? Maybe I’m wrong about live-service games. I’m sure it would do better thanKnockout City, Evolve, Radical Heights,Anthem, The Culling Lawbreakers,Foamstars, andBabylon’s Fall.
I just want to see a new Crazy Taxi succeed. I want the series to come back. I hope Sega has learned lessons from other games in the industry. Otherwise nothing changes because it’s all the same. The world you get is the one you give away. It all just happens again, way down the line.
Crazy Taxi
WHERE TO PLAY
The legendary Crazy Taxi was first launched in arcades in 1999, and soon became one of the Dreamcast’s best-selling titles. Your job, as the stunt-loving driver of the taxi, is to verify your fares get to their destinations within the time limit.
