Summary
TheDragon Ageseries has touched the hearts of countless players, just before tearing those same hearts out and stomping on them with iron-clad stilettos. Whether you’re dealing with a tragic secret kept by your seemingly noble lover or forced to decide which beloved character dies today, you’re always in for some delightful trauma.
So you might as well get a few laughs in while you can, right?Dragon Age has its share of funny characters, and they get plenty of opportunities to shine. Sure, you never know who’s going to betray you next, but they can at least have the decency to make a one-liner about the word “taint” first.
10"No, Merrill. It’s A Trick."
Dragon Age 2
Among Dragon Age 2’s more iconic decisions was the ability to dictate main character Hawke’s overarching personality through the dialogue wheel. Picking enough humorous options, for example, will turn them into a sarcastic and snarky little devil, allowing for certain unique opportunities.
In one case, a sarcastic Hawke can attempt to trick some guards into thinking there’s a fire nearby they should investigate. Unfortunately, if the sweet but hilariously naive Merrill is in your party, she will obliviously ask “but there’s not really a fire, is there?” Hawke’s defeated tone when explaining the bit to her just makes the now unavoidable fight afterward completely worth it.
9The Ballistic Properties Of Small Children
Dragon Age: Origins
Elven assassin Zevran Arainai is perhaps one of the most unique party members inDragon Age: Origins, and only partially because he’s a rogue who can’t pick locks worth a darn. A contract killer joining a band of heroes is already a novel idea, even more so when he’s just so dang funny.
At one point, you’re able to discuss the dangers of magic with Zevran, and in a notable instance of wisdom, will point out the hypocrisy of anti-magic sentiment with a rather legendary line. “Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speed could kill.” Clearly, the philosopher the mages deserve.
8Sera Gets Lebowski’d
Dragon Age: Inquisition
As breathtaking as some of the areas in Dragon Ageare,Dragon Age: Inquisitioncan sometimes be a slog while traversing its landscapes during countless fetch quests. One such mission is Last Wishes, which sees you taking a man’s ashes to their final resting place in the Emerald Graves.
But when you go to complete Last Wishes, make sure to bring Sera with you. When you scatter the ashes, the outspoken un-elfy elf will find herself with a faceful of the stuff a la The Dude in The Big Lebowski. Her sputtering reaction, complete with “it’s in my mouth!” will be sure to delight both fans and critics of the frankly underrated character.
7Judging A Box
Sitting in judgment of the Inquisition’s prisoners often leads to some of the most uncertain choices you’ll make in the game, but it can also lead to comedy gold. If Grand Duchess Florianne de Chalons is killed during the events of Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, you’ll find that Orlesian politics dictate you must judge her corpse.
To keep the comedy flowing, picking the “Ha! Community service!” option will include snarky comments about turning the box holding her dead body into an end table for orphans. Further, it results in the incredibly named war table mission “Judgment: Duchess in a Box Tour 9:41” where her remains are utilized as a typical Inquisition agent, albeit a bit less talkative.
6"How Does One Shrink A Golem?"
The DLC golem companion Shale is absolutely worth having around simply for her endless fountain of chuckle-worthy dialog. While carrying a demeanor of contempt for seemingly every living thing around her, she’s usually willing to discuss her limited memories and hatred of birds.
What she does remember is much of her time after being turned into a golem, including how one of her previous owners “shrunk” her down. you’re able to ask how someone shrinks a being made of solid stone, to which she replies “with a chisel, and a lot of nerve.” Her pointed line delivery hits comedically as hard as her fists hit pigeons physically.
5This Projectile Is The Goat
Depending on how you play, this may be your firstDragon Age: Inquisition judgmentonce you reach Skyhold. After rescuing your soldiers captured in the Fallow Mire, you’ll soon discover that the kidnapper’s father has retaliated by, as Josephine so eloquently puts it, “attacking. The building. With a… goat.”
The game then switches to a shot of Skyhold’s exterior as a goat flies in from off-screen into the wall, baa-ing the whole way. The scene is so perfectly cut that you can’t help but laugh, considering you likely just escaped having your previous home base completely annihilated. Looks like all you needed was to be offered a goat in this trying time.
4Regular Style Or Boneless?
Sarcastic Hawke will make you involuntarily snort laugh so much that you might want to cover your controller. Their lines also hit very differently during an uncomfortably tense and serious moment, such as the quest The First Sacrifice, where you’ll find the bones of a woman you were sent to track down.
Bring them to the templar Emeric, who assumes it means the people he’s searching for are dead. Picking the “humorous” response will see Hawke oh so tactfully reply “if they’re not dead, watch out for a bunch of boneless women flopping through the streets.” Have we mentioned that sarcastic Hawke is kind of a jerk?
3Cassandra Would Love AO3
The trope ofa strong, stoic warriorwith a soft spot for something uncharacteristically fluffy or cute is a classic character-building moment. But when that force of nature is your unflappable religious comrade who’s secretly obsessed with smutty romance books written by your other friend? Magic.
At Skyhold in Inquisition, you can catch Cassandra fully absorbed in one of Varric’s sappy love novels, which she’ll attempt to deny at first. From Varric’s eventual reaction to Cassandra’s firm “pretend you don’t know this about me,” it’s a trip all the way through. Wait until she learns it may very well be based on someone Varric actually knows.
2A Flawless Prison Break
During Origins, you must choose two party members to break your character out of prison. Somehow, almost every single combination of people results in some of the funniest moments in the entire game. Zevran and Oghren passing themselves off as performing twins is a particular highlight.
But one that deserves mentioning is pairing the Qunari Sten with your faithful dog. At the entrance, Sten can assert “I am a giant with a war dog. Either I am making a delivery, or I am besieging your fort. Hope for the former.” But again, every pair is worth trying. They’re like hilarious, deadly ice cream.
1You Sly Dog, You Got Hawke Monologuing
Dragon Age 2 excels in its banter between characters, and it proves its writing prowess when you take a sarcastic Hawke by themself to the chantry at the end of the main quest Following the Qun. Their monologue deserves trophies, and not the red lyrium kind.
As you head back home, Hawke will lament the situation they’re in before complaining about the weather, Sandal’s cooking (with the brilliant line “you squirrely little knot-head”), people staring, and a self-reflective comment on people talking to themselves. Between the performance and writing, you owe it to yourself to get this scene at least several times.
