Gotham City, July 10, 2025–02:37 AM
I’ve faced countless adversaries in my war on crime: psychotic clowns, riddling narcissists, and even immortal eco-terrorists. But nothing in my extensive training prepared me for this latest threat to Gotham’s dignity – Batmobile-themed Crocs. Yes, you read that correctly. Crocs, the company responsible for what might be the least intimidating footwear in history, has decided to model their latest creation after the most feared vehicle in Gotham. The irony is palpable. I can almost hear Joker’s maniacal laughter echoing through the city.
When Alfred first showed me these monstrosities, I thought it was one of his dry British jokes. But no, these are real, and they’re about to flood the streets of Gotham. I haven’t been this baffled since the time Penguin tried to weaponize rubber ducks. As the reigningBatman, I must put a stop to this.
Design Analysis
I’ve conducted a meticulous examination of these Batmobile-inspired Crocs. Here’s what I found
The level of detail is unexpected for casual footwear. The designers have managed to capture key elements of the Batmobile’s aesthetic without compromising thefundamental Crocsdesign.
Batman Batmobile Classic Clog
I guess you could call them…Killer Crocs
The Batman Batmobile Classic Clog transforms Crocs into a miniature Batmobile. Glossy black foam mimics the iconic vehicle’s sleek body, complete with turbine-like details and a rear spoiler.
The accuracy of certain details is concerning. I must investigate how Crocs' designers gained such intimate knowledge of the Batmobile’s design. The Batcave’s security protocols may need review. It’s time to pay the makers a visit. And then, I must put the fear of God in them.
Operation: Foam Footprint
Gotham’s vigilant citizens, this is Batman. I require your assistance in a matter of… delicate nature.
As you may be aware, Crocs has created a “Batmobile” edition of their foam clogs. While I appreciate the homage, I cannot - I repeat, CANNOT - be seen wearing these. Ever. The cape and cowl are already pushing it.
However, we need intelligence on these… footwear. This is where you come in.
Report back on the following
Remember
Europe has already fallen. I’ve seen the footage: civilians parading down the Champs-Élysées, their feet encased in black foam mockeries of my vehicle. The Eiffel Tower’s lights dimmed in shame. I’ve already heard chatter on the streets. Whispers in the alleys. Excited murmurs in the GCPD break room. They’re calling it “comfortable” and “fashionable”. Words that have no place in my war on crime.
Commissioner Gordon suggests we let this play out. “It’s just shoes, Batman,” he said.
Just shoes? Today it’s shoes. Tomorrow, it’s Joker-branded laughing gas.
No. This ends now. Together, we’ll protect Gotham, one ridiculous shoe at a time.
This message will self-destruct. Or get buried in your email. Whichever comes first.
(Alfred, are you sure I can’t just send Robin? No? Fine.)
